Dolce far niente or how to let yourself stop working

Written by Kotryna Klara Martinkutė

Not too long ago, I had the opportunity to re-watch the romantic classic Eat, Pray, Love - a feel-good film that allows you to escape from everyday life for a couple of hours and teleport to Italy, India, and the gorgeous island of Bali. And for this time, the film's most memorable moment was the Italian phrase dolce far niente - the sweetness of doing nothing.

For the sake of this article, the famous Italian phrase will be interpreted as the importance of letting yourself do nothing without guilt or shame and enjoying life behind your job's walls. It is about stopping for a second and looking around. About putting a pause in your routine. 

Nowadays, this phrase sounds more and more often - we begin to learn how to slow down and do nothing for a moment, and, most importantly, how not to punish ourselves for it. I have noticed how often I try to apply this practice to myself rather unsuccessfully; I'm great at sharing advice on relaxation and the art of doing nothing with my close friends, but when I try to do it myself, I cringe, to say the least. So where does our (in)ability to simply enjoy the moment lies?

In the movie, the phrase dolce far niente is heard by the protagonist Lisa, an American woman searching for her true self as she travels the world. The lack of a sense of dolce far niente is identified by the Italians as an "American" trait - the inability to allow oneself to do nothing, and instead trying to be busy every second, even when on vacation. But it is just partially true. While this is often identified as part of “American” culture we can see a lot of examples of this behavior in Europe (and, of course, in the rest of the world). Hearing this phrase for the tenth time I realized for the first time that I  was trapped in this inability myself. 

I wondered for a minute - where, when and why do we lose the joy of the moment and rather focus on work, rewards, and prizes? Why do we have to feel that we "deserve" and "earn" our rest, our coffee break, our nap, or just sitting in the park and watching the ducks fly by? Wouldn't life be a little easier if we could learn to let ourselves enjoy a moment of stillness without remorse?

A fairly common 21st-century syndrome - constant busyness - seems to have a significant impact on the way we construct our work and leisure. It seems to be very popular nowadays to be constantly busy and to do a lot: to work a lot, to study a lot, to achieve a lot, to do a lot of sport - to try to cover as much as possible, sometimes without noticing that while doing a lot, we do not have the time to stop and watch life pass by. We seem to be trying to make the most of every moment we are given, but the truth is that often we live our lives without even taking a breath.

I would like to say right away that doing a lot is not in itself a bad thing. It is alarming when we don't realize how much we are doing, and if we don't notice it in time, we burn out. Moreover, from doing too much we are left with nothing - only the desire to stop doing anything.

I think it is safe to assume that these problems are especially common among young people when they are searching for their way in the world and constantly comparing themselves to others. Especially nowadays, in the media age, when it is so easy to compare one's own life to others at the click of a mouse. By this, I mean seeing someone having a fulfilling vacation in Spain while posting about their promotion on Linkedin and, not to forget, studying for a master's degree at the same time. And they seem completely fulfilled and happy. I bet we all had similar experiences with the people we know – and it does not mean that we are not happy for their success. But it can trigger dissatisfaction with one’s own life and guilt for not doing enough. 

Somehow I think that it is essential to mention this because sometimes I feel trapped in comparisons with others and myself. And I believe I am not the only one. I have surrounded myself with a wonderful circle of productive, happy, and educated people who find happiness in what they do - at least most of the time. And while I know full well that not everything in their lives is as beautiful as it seems on the outside, that outside is unconsciously seeping inside my dome, preventing me from enjoying my successes or accepting my failures with equanimity. Feeling unfulfilled at almost every turn, I forget that life is not chasing me anywhere and that it is me who is weighing myself down with my inadequacy complexes. I have to keep reminding myself that I do not have to 'earn' my moment of dolce far niente, And even more so, not to count the duration of that moment by comparing myself to others in the abundance of social media engagement.

So, getting back to the main topic here, why do we need dolce far niente moments and how do they benefit not only our well-being but also our work and productivity?

I have heard that for Italians, dolce far niente is a way of life, a way of enjoying the ordinary: whether it is a nap in the afternoon, dinner with the family, sitting in the courtyard, and watching the passers-by. It is a way of seeing the beauty and sweetness in the small things. I have never been to Italy, but I was in Argentina a while ago and I noticed a very similar attitude to life among Argentinians. I won't lie, it was not easy to get used to the slow rhythm of life: long siestas lasting a couple of hours in the middle of the day (even in winter!), followed by merienda, where families or close friends get together for a drink of mate, a cookie or other small snacks. My productivity, which I had demanded a lot from myself for years, seemed to be halved there. It took me a couple of months to accept the slowness of life, and the pleasure of doing nothing. But, oh, how my body and soul thanked me for the suspension of a constantly busy life and mindset. What at first seemed like a waste of time eventually turned into a rewarding experience while enjoying life and every little detail that was surrounding me.

But dolce far niente practice is not only suitable for the body and soul: it is necessary for work and inspiration. Maybe this practice is not for all, but I believe it is worth a try. The amazing thing is that doing nothing does not require much preparation - it is enough to just allow yourself to sit in your favorite place for a few minutes and breathe. Of course, nobody says that doing nothing is easy. When thoughts take over, the chances are that the first thing you will start thinking about is your to-do list or all the things you could be doing right now instead of doing nothing. But give yourself time to practice. At least a couple of minutes of doing nothing a day can bring more productivity to your life than hours of continuous work without proper rest.

And no, allowing yourself to do nothing is not the same as fiddling with your phone. It's time to learn how to just be with yourself or with your loved ones, and to let yourself stop working or worrying for a few minutes. And once you get into the habit of not punishing yourself for the pleasant pauses in your life, it will become much easier and more enjoyable.
It might take some time to find a balance between busyness and nothingness. But hey, remember that you owe it to yourself. Enjoy moments of dolce far niente - it is, after all,a way to unwind and to put some distance between you and your life. There is a huge chance that after that you will see your life a little bit differently. On the good side.